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Tag Archives: Fiction

Shocking! Similes Gone Wrong, Very Wrong

14 Monday Mar 2016

Posted by Elizabeth Fais in English, Humor, Writing

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

creative writing, Elizabeth Fais, English, essays, Fiction, high school, Humor, short stories, simile, Writing

A simile is a literary device used to make a comparison by showing the similarities Surprised boyof two different things. A simile draws a resemblance, in most cases using the words like or as, to create a direct comparison.

  • She swam as gracefully as a swan.
  • Confidence radiated off him like he owned the place, even though he was just a waiter.
  • Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate. — William Shakespeare, Sonnet 18

When used correctly, similes are a powerful descriptive tool that engages readers, encouraging the imagination. Misused, similes can be nothing short of hilarious, maybe even shocking.

High School Hilarity

laughing catIn the process of cleaning out a file cabinet, I found a folder full of “funny stuff” that floated around the Internet back in the 90’s. I wish I could take credit for compiling this list of high school’s most hilarious similes, but I can’t. I don’t even know the originator, or I’d give them credit.

Each of the following similes was taken from an actual high school essay or short story, punctuation and all. What makes them so hilarious is their innocence, not their ignorance. Enjoy!

  • The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
  • She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
  • The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
  • McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
  • The politician was gone  but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
  • Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
  • John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
  • Her vocabulary was as bad as, whatever.
  • The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
  • Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie, this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “second tall man”.
  • Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers race across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
  • His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

[PC: morguefile.com]

Fiction Writing ~ Socially Acceptable Insanity

09 Wednesday Sep 2015

Posted by Elizabeth Fais in Fiction, Story, Writing

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

butter beer, Diagon Alley, Elizabeth Fais, Fiction, Genovia, Hogwarts, J.K. Rowling, Judy Blume, Meg Cabot, Ray Bradbury, Reading, SCBWI, Story, suspension of disbelief, Universal Studios, Wizarding World of Harry Potter, Writing

Kidding … But Only Just

A while back I tweeted, “Fiction writing is a socially acceptable form of insanity.” I was only half-joking, and was surprised by how many people seemed to agree with me. Later I discovered that some famous authors gave credence to that view also.

J.K. Rowling said that she is “perfectly happy sitting alone in a room, making things up in her head all day.” We applaud her because she’s written stories many of us hold dear. If a non-writer type person made the same statement, we’d worry for them.

Then there’s Ray Bradbury, who said pretty much the same thing:

Ray Bradbury quote

Keeping It Real

When fiction is done well, readers suspend disbelief, their world drops away, and the story becomes real…the characters, the setting, everything about the time and place. For an author to create a story that convincing, the world and characters have to become real for them as well. As Robert Frost said:

No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. No surprise in the writer, no surprise in the reader.

At a Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators (SCBWI) Summer Conference a few years back, Judy Blume made a surprise appearance and added one better to Robert Frost’s quote:Marble statue

“If the author isn’t turned on when writing a love scene, the reader won’t be turned on either.”

The audience hooted, because it’s so true. If you don’t feel the spark when you’re writing a scene, the reader won’t feel it either.

The same standard of realness holds true for any art form, if it is to emotionally move its audience … whether it’s music, the visual or performing arts. To transmit a feeling through their work, the artist must delve into the emotion. One glance at the statue in this image, and it’s obvious the sculptor felt love on a deep, spiritual level. [PC: morguefile.com]

Reading ~ Socially Acceptable Psychosis

I came across the following description of reading and laughed out loud, because it’s a perfect match for psychosis:

…staring at marked slices of trees and hallucinating vividly for hours on end.

When fiction is done right, this is the effect is has on the reader. We become so fully engaged in the story…everything about it becomes real.

The reality a story creates doesn’t cease when a book is finished…for the reader or the writer. The story and its characters take on a life of their own. So much so, that many of us wish fictional characters Happy Birthday on social media (you know you do too, admit it).

The world the characters inhabit becomes equally real. Why else would thousands of people trek to Universal Studios’ Wizarding World of Harry Potter, in Orlando (and soon in Los Angeles) to visit Hogwarts, Diagon Alley, and drink butter beer? Because that world is real to those who love those books.

Meg Cabot recently tweeted about actually googling the weather in Genovia (Princess Mia’s country). I love this. I can so totally relate, after having read the entire Princess Diaries series. This is fiction done right!

Meg Cabot tweet


The Illusive “Voice” ~ What Editors and Agents Want & Writers Seek

20 Monday Apr 2015

Posted by Elizabeth Fais in Character, Fiction, Writing

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

Character, Elizabeth Fais, Fiction, Kathleen Applegate, Meg Cabot, Rachel Hawkins, Rebel Belle, The One And Only Ivan, The Princess Diaries, Voice, Writing

Which way?At my first writing conference several years ago, editors and agents told the crowded room of enthusiastic writers that they were looking for “a unique voice”. I had no idea what that meant.

My response: “What the heck is that, and how to I get one?”

Luckily, I had enough sense not to say that out loud. Instead, I kept writing and going to conferences, and eventually I found my “voice”.

If you’ve been writing  fiction for some time, you’ve most likely developed your unique voice. This post is for anyone in the early stages of their writing journey, and are too shy to ask, “what the heck is voice?”

What is “Voice” anyway?

Voice, quite simply, is character and personality.

Voice is the rhythm, tempo, and style that sparks with originality, and projects emotion and tone. Voice blends the personality of the writer with that of the characters in a story.

“What’s so hard about that?” I just have to be myself,” you might be thinking.

True. But in good fiction, characters, events, emotions, and voice need to be larger than life. Translating personality onto the page in a way that is authentic and brings characters to life, can an obscure path to navigate. Trust me on this.

I don’t know about you, but talking about concepts only takes me so far. I need examples to ground ideas in something practical. The following examples of voice are in the first person, so the personality (voice) is easier to ascertain. Third person and omniscient points of view also have distinctive voices, but we’ll save that for another time.

The Princess Diaries

The book series was as popular as the movies, because of the unique voice Meg Cabot brings to her characters. Mia may be a princess, but her voice is that of a quirky, insecure, and slightly irreverent teenager. If you haven’t read the series, it’s a must for character study and voice.

But a PRINCE? Of a whole COUNTRY? I mean, I Princess Diaries DVknew Dad was in politics, and of course I knew he had money–how many kids at my school have summer homes in France? Martha’s Vineyard, maybe, but not France.

So what I want to know is, if my dad’s an actual prince, how come I have to learn Algebra? I mean, seriously.

 

The One and Only Ivan

Katherine Applegate uses the voice of Ivan to tell his heartfelt story. Ivan’s honest simplicity pulls us close and holds us there. Ivan is as believable (as a narrator) as his voice is unique.

 I am Ivan. I am a gorilla.TheOneAndOnlyIvan_cover

It’s not as easy as it looks.

People call me the Freeway Gorilla. The Ape at Exit 8. The One and Only Ivan, Mighty Silverback.

The names are mine. But they are not me. I am Ivan, just Ivan, only Ivan.

 

Rebel Belle

Rachel Hawkins infuses Southern charm and etiquette in the voice of her characters, in this fun and quirky, kick-butt tale.

Now this is when it really gets weird. I know, I know, dead janitor in disguise, killer history teacher, how much weirder could it get?

Lots. Trust me.

When Dr. DuPont put that sword–well, scimitar–on my neck, I didn’t feel scared, like, at all. Instead, I felt that tingle in my chest again, only this time, it was more like this … energy. …

I didn’t knee him in the groin, although I didn’t rule that move out. Instead I … ugh, this is so embarrassing.

I head-butted him.

I know, like a soccer hooligan or something.

Rebel Belle, by Rachel Hawkins

How do you find your voice?

You may be thinking, “Wow, those are great examples. But how do I find my voice?”

It’s a simple, but not quick. Don’t hate me:

Read. Read. Read, and read some more.

Read everything in your genre, then read authors in other genres. When you find an author whose style resonates with you, read everything they’ve ever written. Then read those books again. By reading and rereading their words, you absorb the rhythm and style of the prose. It’s learning through osmosis.

Voice isn’t a static thing, though. It’s a quality that evolves with the author, as they hone and polish their craft. That’s what’s so wonderful about writing. It’s not a static process. There’s always room for growth, for improvement.


Which author’s voice resonates with you?


“The Santa Drag” ~ This Santa has a secret only true love can reveal!

28 Friday Nov 2014

Posted by Elizabeth Fais in Fiction, Rom-Com, Romance

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

Christmas, Fiction, Holiday, Liv Rancourt, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Santa, Short Story, The Santa Drag

This season the biggest surprise isn’t under the tree…

The Santa Drag coverMackenzie’s an out-of-work actress who takes a job as a shopping mall Santa to pay the rent. She fools everyone with her Santa drag, until the day Joe McBride walks into the mall. Joseph Timothy McBride – the real-life, got a soap opera gig and you saw him in Scream II actor. The only guy she ever really loved.

Can Mack stay in character, or is it time to strip off the red coat and peel off the beard for good?

The Santa Drag is a 6,000 word short story about a Santa with a secret, stressed out parents in the mall, and one very handsome actor.

Black Friday FREEBIE! ~ Nov. 28-30

Don’t miss out on this delicious holiday treat! From 11/28 – 11/30/14, The Santa Drag is FREE from Amazon [Kindle Edition]!

Reviewers have called this story charming and funny. Want a quick holiday pick-me-up? Get it here with one-click: The Santa Drag.

The Santa Drag is available exclusively from Amazon [Kindle Edition]. After November 30th, you can buy it here.

Read an Excerpt:

A kid in my lap threatened to throw up, taking my full attention for several moments, and when I looked up again it was Joe’s turn. Maya gave him a way-too-friendly smile, which he returned with his standard, ‘yep, I’m handsome,’ grin. His kids stood behind him. The boy clearly thought he was too old for all this nonsense, and his sister was trapped in between the excitement of seeing Santa and her brother’s ennui.

“Come on, guys,” Joe said, tugging the boy forward with an arm around the shoulders. I paid strict attention to the kids. I did not want to look at his face or see the dimple in his chin.  He turned around to say something to Maya. I really didn’t want to look at his ass.

“Uncle Joe, this is so stupid,” the boy said. Uncle Joe. I almost jumped out of my chair. They must be his sister Kelly’s kids.

“Get over there, Saxton. We’re taking pictures for your mother’s Christmas present. Mabyn, you too.” Joe pushed his nephew in my direction. Saxton and Mabyn? Wow, Kelly must be seriously into her Irish heritage. Or something.

Saxton was dressed in a red and green striped soccer jersey and jeans, his longish brown hair slicked back behind his ears. Mabyn wore a green sweater and jeans, with her hair pulled back in a thick red braid. Joe had jeans on, too. I tried really hard not to notice how well they fit across his thighs.

“Uncle Joe, will you get us some ice cream after this?” Mabyn asked.

“If you smile pretty for the camera.”  Joe gave her a shadow of the grin that I remembered. She gave him a pretty decent grin in return, though her big front teeth overlapped and there was a gap where one eye tooth should have been. Braces must be coming soon.

“She wishes she could smile pretty,” Saxton sneered. Mabyn smacked him on the arm. “Ow, she hit me. She should get in trouble.”

I would have hit him harder.

With Joe standing so close, it was hard to remember that I was supposed to be Santa. I gave a half-assed “Ho-ho-ho,” which sounded strangled, even to me. He glanced over at me, and I accidentally met his eyes. I looked away immediately, but not before I saw the flash. Not recognition, exactly, but interest. I could feel him watching me. “Ho-ho-ho.” It came out heartier this time. I was so not going to give myself away.

Meet Liv:

I write romance: m/f, m/m, and v/h, where the h is for human and the v is for vampire…or sometimes demon. I write funny. I don’t write angst. When I’m not writing I take care of tiny premature babies or teenagers, depending on whether I’m at home or at work. My husband is a soul of patience, my dog is the cutest thing evah(!), and we’re up to three ferrets.

I can be found on-line at all hours of the day and night:

  • My website & blog: livrancourt.com
  • Facebook: liv.rancourt
  • Twitter: @LivRancourt

Stop by. We’ll have fun!


“Illusions of Fate” by Kiersten White ~ Author Signed Copy GIVEAWAY!

13 Thursday Nov 2014

Posted by Elizabeth Fais in Books, Fiction, Giveaway, Magic, Young Adult

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Books, Elizabeth Fais, Epic Read, Fiction, Giveaway, Illusions of Fate, Kepler's Books, Kiersten White, Magic, Young Adult

Rich in imagination & deep in character…

IllusionsOfFate-coverThe people of Albion are different from anyone Jessamin has ever known: harsh, upright, and obsessed with wealth and rank. Jessamin knew as much when she left her sun-drenched island home to attend school in their gray, dreary country. 

But she had no idea how different they truly were.

She never thought she would discover a house with door that open onto a hundred corners of the city or a book that spends its days as a bird. She certainly never expected to become a pawn in a political and magical power struggle between the sinister Lord Downpike and the handsome, charming Finn Ackerly. And she never so much as imagined she’d win Finn’s affections—or that one day his shadow would follow her every step. 

Fortunately for Jessamin, fate has other ideas… (jacketflap)

If I had stayed on the thoroughfare that day, not taken the alley, I would never have met him. … I sit, defeated, and shuffle the cards for the hundredth time. I cut the deck, close my eyes, and draw a card at random. FATE. I always draw fate.

 

Magic, romance, intrigue, and a dash of steampunkery…

Jessamin swept me into her fictional 19th century world and immediately won me over with her sharp wit and strength of character. At the age of sixteen she left her tropical island home for a distant country, so she could better herself with an education she helped earn working as a servant in a hotel.

Jessamin’s meager finances put her at the bottom of Albion’s high-society caste. To make matters worse, her darker skin label her as a foreigner, making her even more of an outcast. Jessamin works hard to be the best in her classes,and getting little recognition. Still, she’s proud of holding her own. That is, until the fateful day Albion’s magical forces catch her up in their vicious snare. Strong spirited Jessamin fights back, battling her wits against evil magic, proving her island moxie is something to be reckoned with.

Why this book rocks…

ILLUSIONS OF FATE is flat-out fun–Witty dialog and scenes crafted with style and polished prose. I highly recommend this beguiling story to any young adult, or adult who is young at heart.

Here’s a few reasons why this book is so awesome:

  • Jessamin’s wit and fortitude gave me a  heroine I could laugh with, root for, and admire.
  • Jessamin is ordinary, not ‘the chose one’, so it’s easy to empathize with her.
  • Even though she has meager funds on which survive, Jessamin isn’t swayed by money and power. She knows her mind and sticks to her morals.
  • Lord Ackerly is wealthy, powerful, and of high social standing. He’s adept in casual social situations, but nervous when it comes to personal relationships of depth. His flaws make him vulnerable, and I couldn’t help hoping Jessamin would give him a chance.
  • The 19th century fantasy world has a steampunk patina that gives the setting depth, and brings the world to life.
  • Quirky secondary characters, such as Sir Bird and Eleanor, add humor and give depth to Jessamin’s character.
  • I don’t want to ruin it for you, but I didn’t see the ending coming. Better still, after the last twist was revealed, I was satisfied with the outcome because it was more than earned.

To win an author signed copy…

NOTE: The FREE giveaway of an author copy of this book is open to residents of the United Kiersten White holding a signed copy of Illusions of FateStates only, due to shipping costs. My sincere apologies.

Here’s how to enter to win:

  1. Leave a comment on this blog–explaining WHY you’d love to read this book– by midnight, November 20th (1 entry).
  2. Tweet about this giveaway, using #IOFGiveaway in your tweet (1 entry).
  3. I’ll put all *entries* in a hat and pick a winner blindfolded.

I’ll announce the winner on this blog Saturday, November 22nd.

Author signed title page of Illusions of Fate, by Kiersten White

May Fate be with you!

[Photo of Kiersten White taken at Kepler’s Books in Menlo Park, CA by moi]


“Better Nate Than Ever” by Tim Federle ~ Hilarious and Heartwarming

30 Monday Dec 2013

Posted by Elizabeth Fais in Book Reviews, Fiction, MMGM

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Auditions, Better Nate Than Ever, dance, E.T., Elizabeth Fais, Fiction, Manhattan, Marvelous Middle-Grade Monday, Middle Grade, Musicals, New York City, show tunes, Theater, Tim Federle

Marvelous Middle Grade Monday!

Better Nate Than Ever coverNate Foster has big dreams. His whole life, he’s wanted to star in a Broadway show. (Heck, he’d settle for *seeing* a Broadway show.)

But how is Nate supposed to make his dreams come true when he’s stuck in Jankburg, Pennsylvania, where no one (except his best pal Libby) appreciates a good show tune? With Libby’s help, Nate plans a daring overnight escape to New York. There’s an open casting call for E.T.: The Musical, and Nate knows this could be the difference between small-town blues and big-time stardom.

Now’s his chance to explore the city, wow the casting director, out-sing the competition, and hop the last bus home before anyone notices he’s gone. No big deal, right? But exciting as it is, the Big Apple can be big trouble. And if Nate isn’t careful, he’ll be lucky if he makes it through Times Square, much less the audition.  [Synopsis]

Over-The-Top Audacity … in the Best Possible Way!

Let me just say, I love Nate! Oh, and his best friend Libby too. Because without Libby, Nate never would have known about the  ET: The Musical casting call, much less attempted a daring escape to New York City for the audition. I know I’m biased, but here’s some relatively impartial insights…

What’s so great about Nate: A voice that’s fresh, funny, with a spot on middle grade. Nate has all the anxieties and self-doubts of any misfit. But what makes him so adorkable is his how he embraces his quirks, and motors right through his fears with improv that’s nothing short of genius. And then there’s Nate and Libby’s swear words, which are as unique as they are endearing. They curse with the titles of (real!) legendary Broadway musical flops, such as Dance of the Vampires. Who knew?

Reality with a dash of wacky: The Plan Libby and Nate concoct to get him into the audition in New York City is realistic and level-headed. The amusing flaws in their scheme spring from a ten-year-old’s naive view of the world. Still, things manage to work out for Nate. Like how he talks his way into purchasing a bus ticket—when he’s obviously under age—using his older brother’s ID. His brother Anthony is 16, at least ten inches taller, and has the face of an international model, which Nate so is not. Admittedly, the coverage of a local stabbing on the television monitor in the ticket booth was a saving distraction for the ticket salesperson, what with the gory graphics, eyewitnesses, and a crying woman holding a baseball bat. Still, Nate’s anxiety driven improv is ultimately what does the trick. From there on out, the wackiness spins into high gear… But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Laugh-out-loud hilarity: The entire book is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. But I have to admit that I was literally reduced to laughing so hard I was sobbing, my head in my hands, by Nate’s audition performance. Nate claims his *special talent* is walking on his knees. So when the casting director asks him to perform his trick, Nate flips into manic mode … and then some…

…I’m circling their table, channeling my Fiddler on the Roof bottle dancing, flying by like we’re at the racetrack, the team’s little greyhound…

I’d share more, but I don’t want to ruin it for you. Just be sure to have a box of tissues handy. You’ll need them. I sure did!

Home is where the heart is: They say that comedy has to have an element of pathos to make it funny. In Nate’s story, the pathos comes from his disfunctional family. His parents are on the verge of divorce, his all-star brother hides beer in his closet, and then there’s his mother’s estranged sister. The very aunt who comes to Nate’s rescue (thanks to Libby) as a legal guardian, a requirement to get into the audition. The broken dynamics of Nate’s family, and how his wacky adventure helps put them on the mend, makes you care—and root—for Nate all the more.

I highly  recommend Better Nate Than Ever for most all middle grade boys and girls. Though I’d warn them to keep an eye on their parents. Because they’ll be sneaking this book away to read too.

About the Author

Tim Federle is the author of over seven hundred emails. Born in beautiful San Francisco and raised in character building Pittsburgh, Tim discovered show tunes in elementary school, prompting bullies to discover Tim. Armed with only grit (and his father’s credit card), Tim fled to New York City as a teenager. He has since worn a Tina Turner wig at the Super Bowl, a polar bear suit at Radio City, and a big fat grin in five Broadway shows. Better Nate Than Ever is Tim’s first novel. Soon to be followed by the sequel, Five, Six, Seven NATE! You can find Tim on Twitter @TimFederle. [Jacketflap bio]


40.714353 -74.005973

Scary Cats ~ Fiction & Felines

18 Friday Oct 2013

Posted by Elizabeth Fais in Cats, Funny Videos, Humor, Movies

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

cats, Cinderella, Elizabeth Fais, Fiction, Lady and the Tramp, Lucifer, pet peeve, Scary Fun, Si and Am, stereotype, Villains, Walt Disney

Cats and Their Bad Press in Fiction

Have you ever wondered why cats are often portrayed as villains, the thug, or evil — or minions of evil — in fiction and film … even cartoons? There’s Lucifer, the villain cat in Walt Disney’s Cinderella and Si and Am in Lady and the Tramp. Those are two of the happiest movies ever. And the cats are villains! Don’t even get me started on the old Tom and Jerry cartoons.

You’ll hardly ever see a main cat character like this:

Orange kitten peaking out from behind barrel

No. It’s usually something more like this:

Hissing cat in a tree

This time of year especially brings out the negative imagery for our feline friends. What with Halloween’s stereotypical witches and black cat companions. [images from morguefile.com]

So…I was thrilled when I found the following montage spoof on “scary cat” scenes in movies.

Scary Cat Montage


What’s your “fictional” pet (no pun intended) peeve?

Inquiring minds want to know!


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